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Friday, January 31, 2014

Think About It

Letting Go Of Revenge


Like toxic people, revenge can also be toxic. Not to the other person, but to us.

We all have had people hurt us. Sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes it is not. But regardless of the reasons, being hurt by others still hurts. It isn’t unusual for a person to feel that they should have some sort of payback when they’ve been hurt. This is even true regardless of the apology the other gives. Sometimes we just want a pound of their flesh and we’re not willing to settle for less. Anger, bitterness and revenge fill our thoughts. We want to pay back what was done to us and connive and plan on how to do it. But all to often, regardless of what we’ve been able to extract back for the wrong done, for some, it isn’t enough. We want justice, but it eludes us.

Revenge is fueled by resentment and resentment is said to be like holding on to hot coals, waiting to throw at someone, but we’re the ones with the burnt hands. Revenge, resentment and bitterness are like empty bottomless pits. No matter how hard we try to fill them, they are never filled. Why? Because we never let them go and any reminder just gets the whole cycle rolling again. So what’s the cure?

The cure is actually simple and hard at the same time and it’s called forgiveness. Forgiveness is about letting it go, but it’s not about forgetting. All forgiveness means is that I’m making a choice to enact justice. I’m letting the offender go free without payment or restitution. It is the same forgiveness that God extends to us. There is one caveat forgiveness does not mean restoration. In other words, the offender does not return to the same place of relationship that they had with us. That must be earned. Think about it.

18 comments :

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this article.

Anonymous said...

THE GOOD BOOK SAY'S TO FORGIVE AND FORGET IN NUMBEROUS PLACES . FORGIVING IS EASY PART ,FORGETTING IS REALY HARD. I FORGIVE A LOT OF THINGS WHICH IS BETWEEN GOD AND I, FORGETTING IS THE SAME BUT AGAIN THIS IS HARD TO DO BUT YOU MUST BEING A GOOD CHRISTIAN. ENOUGH SAID, FRED'S DEAD.

Kathy said...

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Anonymous said...

How do you forgive and forget when the person continues do wrong?

Robin said...

Thank you I needed to read this, I can forgive but forgetting is another thing...

Anonymous said...

As Doc Holiday once said it's not the revenge it's the reckoning!

Anonymous said...

Forgiveness is not a one time event for those who continue to hurt you. Learning how to set healthy boundaries with such people can help reduce the amount of forgiveness needed to free you from anger.

Judas said...

I believe that the bible also says "An eye for an eye"......

Anonymous said...

Yes-the Bible does call for justice. Forgiveness and Justice are not the same thing.

Anonymous said...

It would be a cold day in hell before I could ever forget! Everyone says just let it go,I have tried so hard,but when I have to see him and his wrong doins it is just another reminder!!

Anonymous said...

In America today there is no justice. It's Just Us.
Lock and load.

Anonymous said...

Roy Boehm: kill 'em all now, sort 'em out later. Navy Seal.

Anonymous said...

Forgiveness is a concept created by wrong doers in order to appeal to most good peoples sensibilities Just like saying only god can judge. They say it because they don't want to be held accountable for their actions. And people go with it, because they will inevitably do wrong, or have done wrong by someone. And don't want to be held responsible for it either. Its all a mental con. A human idea that we assign value to. But in the grand scheme means nothing at all. Except to make ourselves feel good. A form of mental masturbation.

Gayla said...

Forgiveness is VERY hard when the HEINOUS actions and blatant LIES of someone else have caused your whole world to be turned upside down and changed forever. As far as forgetting, sorry never gonna happen here. I AM a believer in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Any wrong that I have done in my past I have made amends/restitution/whatever for it and believe that others should step up, suck it up and admit their wrongdoing (in other words put on your big girl/big boy pants).

Joe Bob the Redneck said...

So how does this all work for those of the Catholic faith who can commit sins and be absolved of those sins just by confessing them to a priest? Why are you sheeple so blind to how the world works around you?

Louise said...

I know that the Bible teaches us to forgive, but I don't believe we are required to forget.

It's probably best that we remember so we won't allow ourselves to be vulnerable again...especially if the individual who hurt us is not sorry.

Anonymous said...

Kathy said forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. I know people that use this concept and confession all the time ripping other people off even family members!

Anonymous said...

From all the commentary here, it is quite clear that forgiving offenses is not easy, and viewed as impossible by some. I have been sorely hurt, and by people I trusted and loved. I do understand how folks can remain in a state of unforgiveness. But I have also been fortunate enough to see the merits, the value of letting go of the anger, pain and need for revenge. My point is, dear people, we cannot do it on our own. This is why we need a Higher Power, to give us the strength and will to forgive. We cannot do it in and of ourselves. We need to ask His help. Because forgiving really does set us free. I chose, after years of nursing pain from a marriage gone bad, to forgive the grievous acts done against me, AND my children. Upon making this deliberate choice, one cannot describe the relief I felt. I was free of it all. I was able to move forward without that Ball and Chain. Not much later, I saw my ex die in a way that I would never have wished on anyone. God will wreak His justice and His vengeance if we just let go. My desire would have been for my ex to be changed and to know Christ. But that was not to be. I had to watch my children grieve for a parent they loved and that was hard. Forgiving is a process. It may not be that one can do it overnight. But with God's help, one can strive, over time, to get there. For one's own good, not for the person who has brought on the hurt. My prayers are with you all who are still suffering the pain. I feel for you.